Monday, July 21, 2014

My thoughts for today

I'm all for people trying to lose weight to make them healthier and live longer.  If they have the motivation and will power, good for them!  What I hate is when others try to shame you into losing weight or think you're less than them because you weigh more.

I am currently overweight.  I have been a size 3 and 104 pounds before so I have been thin and felt what that felt like.  For me that meant eating pretty much nothing but one small meal a day and exercising a lot, which I despise.  For me, it just wasn't worth it.  I still hated myself.  I still thought I was fat and would pound on my thighs and hips, sometimes leaving bruises, because I had thunder thighs and hippo hips.  I hated not eating, and I hated exercise.

I am currently a lot larger.  Borderline plus size here.  Having 3 c sections has ruined my body.  But somewhere over the last year, after getting annoyed by all the "thinspiration" on pinterest, and how everyone kept posting workout and healthy food stuff, I have finally said who cares.  I have fat, more than I should.  I am pushing 40, have 3 kids.  I don't need to impress anyone but myself.  I am finally ok with my weight.  Yes, I would still like to be thin.  But I am not motivated.  I despise exercise.  I would rather chop my own hand off than exercise for even one minute.  And I love food.  If I want to eat some fast food I will.  I will drink my cola and be satisfied and smile.  I am healthy.  My recent yearly checkup confirms that.  I have been maintaining my weight for the past 10 years.  Why should I starve myself and go hungry just to try to fit in and be "acceptable" to others?  If you don't like me overweight, then I don't need you!

Also, why does it seem that when someone has lost a bunch of weight, they get unfriendly?  You think you're better than me just because you lost the weight?  You were much nicer fatter.  Stop exercising all the time, grab a cheeseburger and fries, lighten up, and be happy.

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