Birthdays

I get that everyone wants to have a great birthday and feel special on their birthday, but some people over react.  As you get older, the gifts get less and the "happy birthday"s tend to get less as well.  People go out of their way to celebrate kids birthdays.  Big party, lots of gifts.  But when you get older should you expect the same???

I have a relative who was upset.  She felt unimportant, like no one cared about her and the fact that it was her birthday.  I'm not sure why.  She was given some gifts from relatives, given a night of relaxing in a hotel pool and hot tub with family.  But apparently she doesn't feel special.  I haven't been able to give her a gift yet, but I've been super busy with the kids and remodeling a house.  I could have baked a cake, but my kitchen is torn up because tile is getting put in.  I have no stove hooked up.

Nobody but my mother and mother-in-law calls me on MY birthday.  The kids wouldn't even acknowledge it if it wasn't for my MIL.  I don't get a bunch of gifts.  I've occasionally gotten nothing from my husband.  It's fine.  Maybe I'm the weird one here.  Maybe I should be expecting more for my own birthday.

My thoughts for today

I'm all for people trying to lose weight to make them healthier and live longer.  If they have the motivation and will power, good for them!  What I hate is when others try to shame you into losing weight or think you're less than them because you weigh more.

I am currently overweight.  I have been a size 3 and 104 pounds before so I have been thin and felt what that felt like.  For me that meant eating pretty much nothing but one small meal a day and exercising a lot, which I despise.  For me, it just wasn't worth it.  I still hated myself.  I still thought I was fat and would pound on my thighs and hips, sometimes leaving bruises, because I had thunder thighs and hippo hips.  I hated not eating, and I hated exercise.

I am currently a lot larger.  Borderline plus size here.  Having 3 c sections has ruined my body.  But somewhere over the last year, after getting annoyed by all the "thinspiration" on pinterest, and how everyone kept posting workout and healthy food stuff, I have finally said who cares.  I have fat, more than I should.  I am pushing 40, have 3 kids.  I don't need to impress anyone but myself.  I am finally ok with my weight.  Yes, I would still like to be thin.  But I am not motivated.  I despise exercise.  I would rather chop my own hand off than exercise for even one minute.  And I love food.  If I want to eat some fast food I will.  I will drink my cola and be satisfied and smile.  I am healthy.  My recent yearly checkup confirms that.  I have been maintaining my weight for the past 10 years.  Why should I starve myself and go hungry just to try to fit in and be "acceptable" to others?  If you don't like me overweight, then I don't need you!

Also, why does it seem that when someone has lost a bunch of weight, they get unfriendly?  You think you're better than me just because you lost the weight?  You were much nicer fatter.  Stop exercising all the time, grab a cheeseburger and fries, lighten up, and be happy.

Easter

Have I mentioned before that I hate holidays?  It's Easter today. When I was growing up my mom made me a great basket and hid it and then I woke up and had to find it. Then there was the Easter egg hunt outside in the warm sunshine. I grew up in Florida.

Now I live in the half frozen half muddy cold temperatures of northern Michigan. Easter egg hunts outside are filled with mud and or snow. And its not me doing it for MY kids. No, my in laws have taken over that. Two hunts of the same thing would be boring. And easter baskets are no longer special. The kids get one from us and from each side of the grandparents filled with the same exact  candy.  Not special at all. Wish I could move away from family. 

Just a Little Chance

Sometimes I wish I had a friend.  I'm 36 and don't have one true friend.  Oh, I have "friends", mostly old friends on Facebook.  But not one that I get together with or talk to everyday, or once a week, or once a year.  Ok, apparently I should just change all my "friends" on facebook to "acquaintances".  With the kids I really don't have time for friends anymore.  I have changed and am so different from all my past friends that we would just not really work anymore.  And apparently I'm too old for penpals now.  Not too many my age on there anymore.  Or maybe I'm just really pathetic and boring and people can just sense that.  Or think they can.  If people would just take the time to know me they might change their mind.  I'm really not that boring or negative or down.  Words just do not come out the right way when I try to write them.   People just don't give me a chance.

Life is Strange

It's so strange to me to see old classmates on Facebook.  Reconnecting with old friends is great, if a little odd at times.  What's weird to me is seeing my old friends being friends with other classmates who were snobby, rude, and downright mean to me in high school.  The popular kids who either ignored me or made my life hell in school.  How are they friends with my old friends now??????  Did they suddenly grow up and she what witches they were as teenagers???  Somehow I really doubt it.  I imagine they are still the same.  Rich, only wears name brands, super thin, and criticizes you if you're not all of those things.

Backlash!

Wow!  I started a heated conversation on facebook and made everyone hate me!  Apparently I really don't get the whole messaging thing on facebook.  Somehow I added all of my friends to a conversation and made it so that everyone could see what everyone else was writing?  Didn't know it worked that way.  Oops.  Bad things happened.  I tried deleting the conversation and leaving it.  But certain people kept adding me back.  Again and again.  Sigh.  I really have some horrible family members.  They are ignorant, rude, uncaring, uncompassionate.

Filtering Through Facebook Friends

You know, this really has been therapeutic.  I know it's silly to still type on a blog that no one has ever read and will probably never read, but it feels good!  I wish I had more time to write about things.  Not just rants or complaints but actually write about stuff that I care about and am passionate about!  Some day I will have time.  Probably when the kids are older.

Today I will write about how I'm pretty sure I made a lot of enemies on facebook!  I just get tired of all the jokes and immature people making posts about guns and how amazing they are.  I've hid about half of my "friends" already because quite frankly they annoy and irritate me.  So finally, I told everyone, if you love your guns more than you love children, please unfriend me.  I truly hope most of them do.  Is that wrong?